Oh hai.

It’s uh…been a month. Soz.

I have a lot to say, as usual, but typing is getting hard, and when I get home I usually don’t want to sit in front of the computer at all. I have a lot of things I wanna talk about but yeah, I have a thousand excuses why I haven’t. They all suck – the reasons, hopefully not the things I wanna talk about. In short, it’s like this:

There’s the general health update – the short version is that I have graduated to the walker full time, my hands are decidedly weaker, still no breathing or speaking problems. Headaches are still a thing; got a Cefaly device and it doesn’t seem to be helping. I wanna do a video about the device. It’s weird.

Housing, short version OH MY GOD WHY IS THIS SO HARD. I don’t wanna be adult and do this, I wish someone else was doing this for me, I wish there were even any places AVAILABLE to buy, I wish Portland wasn’t becoming the second Bay Area. It’s complicated and dumb.

I’ve decided to hold a Living Wake for myself in April next year, adjacent to my birthday. The announcement on Facebook concerned some people, because they thought I was throwing a Goodbye Party instead. Naw, dawgs, I just want to see you guys while I can still talk and hug you.

I’m sorting through a lot of emotional shit, as you can imagine, but mostly the idea of BIG CONCEPT vs little concept and how they can screw with you in their own ways. “I’m Going to Die” is a BIG CONCEPT but it isn’t nearly as disruptive day to day as the little concept of “I’m not going to be able to pack my own house when I find a place to move”. Both of them screw with me in their own ways, but the little ones are the ones that usually ruin my day.

I need to check in with y’all about having house cleaners coming over. That’s a bundle of something.

My 22 year old cat was dying, and then he wasn’t, and then he was, and now he can’t figure out what’s going on. It’s been incredibly hard dealing with his impending death, harder I think than dealing with my own in a lot of ways, and I want to talk that out.

Work has been chaotic, lots of organizational changes and looks toward the future. I’d originally thought I might be done working by the end of the year, but now I’m planning on things happening into next spring and beyond, so we’ll see.

I have a lot going on, as you can see, but mostly I just go home after work and watch TV I don’t care about and eat food that’s bad for me and sleep. My time is limited but I’m sleepwalking through it. And I’m…kind of okay with that.

Anyway, love you all, and I hope to post something real soon. <3

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