Things I Say that I Apparently Only I Think Are Funny, Part One

“You are getting on what might actually be my last nerve.”

“I quite LITERALLY do not have time for this.”

“*insert thing I don’t wanna do* is not on my bucket list, thanks.”

“At least come a zombie apocalypse, I’ll be safe to be around. Even if I turn, what the fuck am I gonna do? Gimp after you? NEERRRRRRRRRRVES…”

I don’t care what you fuckers think. I AM HILARIOUS.